I'm Keeping My Baby

Today I entered the Lair of the Goth Dentist! In Shelton! It was as rad as a terrible, doomed trip to the dentist could possibly be. For one thing, the dental assistants all wear purple and black scrubs. For another, the waiting room has a big dark facade with a little triangle that you look through to talk to the very friendly secretary. As I was waiting for Dr. Duane himself to enter (would he be wearing a cape? eyeliner??), I noticed there was something oddly comforting about the tidy black walls of the exam room. It all seemed so much more appropriate and soothing then the stark, beige offices of 'normals'.. no sailboat prints, weird teddy bears holding toothbrushes, or cartoon teeth holding dental floss for that matter. No forced cheeriness. I appreciate that from a dentist.


Dr. Duane (sadly without cape and/or eyeliner) was really rad and straightforward about the plight of little molar #2, upper right. It's all kinds of diseased, infected, dying. He showed me my x-ray, where my nerve was up into my sinus, then explained something I didn't quite grasp about my northern-euro cheekbones and giant sinus cavities that would make pulling the tooth really risky.. the bone is so thin between my sinus and my teeth that pulling it could cause serious damage in the future, something about sinus implants, something about $20,000 surgery! And I don't think he was trying to scam me into signing up for some goth root canal action, because he doesn't do root canals. I have to go to a normie over in Lacey.


He did offer to stave off the impending root canal for up to six months by stuffing some sort of Victorian herbal remedy up in there. Crazy! Goth Dentist is awesome. He told me to pretend I was a log being hollowed out for a canoe (in reference to my upcoming root-scrubbing, not just in general) which I enjoyed. Anytime someone tells me to pretend to be a log, they pretty much win me over.

I am a log. A $2000 log of oral health.